D.I.V.O.R.C.E ? That’s right we said it… I’m sure that’s not what you wanted to hear considering this is supposed to be a blog promoting healthy marriages. But after 30 years of marriage and after witnessing countless other marriages, we realize this is the only way to be happy. Oh and by the way, this includes couples that are even considering the very thought of marriage.
Alright, Alright – Now that we really have your attention, I think we got some explaining to do. How can we be an advocate of divorce? – good question – Glad you asked!
Simply put DIVORCE stands for Determine If Vows Or Relationship Can Endure!
Relationships have a way of evolving into a lot of things expected and unexpected. It’s those unexpected things that seem to cause couples to overreact at times. The truth of the matter is marriage/relationships won’t always give you that happy feeling that you initially had in the beginning. Happiness is what you make of it. As the old saying goes “you get to bring the weather to the beach.” In other words, you get to determine your happiness and your level of happiness.
One of the biggest causes for relationship failures is TRUST or lack thereof. What happens when you lose trust in your partner? What events led up to your mistrust? Are you willing to be forgiving? Are you willing to be truly sorry for your actions? These are questions that only you can answer as a couple. It’s those challenging times that determine if you care enough or are willing to keep going. There has to be a point in time when your vows have to mean something to you. “For Better or Worse” is a two part equation and it’s what you do in the “Worse” times that will weaken or strengthen your relationship. Now certainly everyone knows how much they can take and we’re not here to tell you to stay in a relationship no matter what. But what we have seen is that people are willing to walk away too easily.
Sam Parker wrote a great book called 212. The premise: “At 211 degrees, water is hot. At 212 degrees, it boils. And with boiling water, comes steam. And with steam, you can power a train. Just one extra degree makes all the difference.” We have to give that extra degree of effort to be successful.
But don’t worry, there is a solution to help you enjoy your relationship and not just endure it. Here are a few things that couples need to do to sustain a long healthy relationship:
COMMUNICATE – share your feelings with each other no matter what they are.
LISTEN – don’t be so quick to get your point across but try to understand the other point of view
FORGIVE – yep there will be times when someone does something dumb and need redemption
APOLOGIZE – if you’re the one that said or did something wrong, just say SORRY and mean it
LEARN—you must grow from past mistakes and not be prone to keep repeating them
HONESTY – self-explanatory– be truthful with each other and yourself.
Of course, we truly understand that some of these things are easier said than done! However, what is your end game – I hope the end game is to still be in the game. You will never make a basket if you don’t take a shot and you will never hit the ball if you don’t take a swing.
So to all you couples (Married and non-married) let’s stay together and get a D.I.V.O.R.C.E.
Anthony & Marie McDaniel