Summer is here, at least for most of the country, us Chicagoans anxiously awaiting July and August, our only two truly warm months. But I digress, and that’s another blog. Let me get back on point. Summer is here, and with it, “Summer Love” and “Summer Weddings” abound. And for all those considering jumping the broom, I, being married and approaching my 10 year anniversary, happily, pleasantly and confidently say … DON’T DO IT!
Close your mouths, that’s right I SAID IT. DON’T DO IT! At least not until you read this blog. Right about now some of you are saying to yourselves, “who the hell is he?” and “what makes him qualified to give marriage advice?” And you may have a valid point. But before you click to something else, to waste even more of your valuable time you’ll never get back, listen to these facts:
• 50% of first marriages,
• 67% of second marriages,
• 74% of third marriages,
End in divorce, according to Jennifer Baker of the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology in Springfield, Missouri.
So, are we just that unlucky, or maybe we shouldn’t have gotten married in the first place? Or, maybe we got married for the wrong reasons, at the wrong time and/or to the wrong person?
Listen, I’m not casting judgement. Marriage, healthy marriage when right, is one of the most beautiful and fulfilling things life has to offer. And, I support, salute, embrace and celebrate such unions. But, when unhealthy relationships graduate to unhealthy marriages … cancel christmas and save the women and children first.
So, rather than making attorneys rich, tear families and kids apart and grow to hate, like you never thought you could hate, the person you so deeply loved at one time. Just look before you leap. Now there’s no perfection in any relationship, but there are signs that continued dating is a much better option than marriage.
1. You fight & argue more than you make love.
2. You constantly hear what his/her previous boo did that you don’t.
3. You’re expected to contribute financially but not discipline his/her child.
4. They feel, what’s mine is mine, and what’s yours is also theirs.
5. They don’t encourage & support you towards your dreams/goals, only their idea of who you should be and/or what you should become.
6. Your goals/expectations for marriage, finance, children (how many), friends, education (kids or your own), religion, career and his/her fam interaction (visits, phone calls, borrowing money, etc.) are almost completely different.
I’ll stop at six, my favorite number by the way. The list could go on and on, but I think we all get the point. Why rush into one of the most important decisions of your life. If Mr. or Ms. Right is in fact the right one, they’ll still be the right one when you’re truly ready. Not just when the reception place is available, or the mega church can fit you in, or the perfect dress is on sale, or the weather is just right (Chicagoans: warm, no rain), or when fam or friends can make it into town, or before anyone finds out “there’s a bun in the oven.”
Again, marriage, when right, can be beautiful. So don’t rush, “pump your brakes.” Do your homework, not only on your prospective partner, but on yourself as well.
Marry the right person (for you), and the opportunities for growth and happiness are endless. Marry the wrong person (for you), and … well … you saw the statistics.